I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize