Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
