8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
