i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
