Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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