can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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