I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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