i think my tv is drunk
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize