We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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