maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Drunk is not a location!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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