So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize