I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Randomize
