tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
