Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize