gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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