I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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