Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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