Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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