Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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