No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
