I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
