Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize