This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize