Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
