I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
