now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You are the jesus of drinking
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
