Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
