WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
