At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
