New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
