I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My penis needs a shock collar
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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