i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
