i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
