i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
