Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
