Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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