i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
