I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
