living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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