I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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