from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
