I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
