so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
