woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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