They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
