Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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