I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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