Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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