her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
