i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
