To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
