Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
