I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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