I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize