my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
