I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
