cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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