now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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