i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
