they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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