I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
