Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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