He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
