Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
