Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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