He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
