We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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