woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Text me some of your sweat
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
