I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
