so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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