please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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