I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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