ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
