nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
