the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
