I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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