Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
