dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
