Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
